親父の思い出。

６年前に親父が亡くなりました。

彼は、家では本当に無口な人でした。
それなので、たまに発する言葉は文法ではなく、殆どが単語中心です。
例えば、「バカやろ」とか「バカにはかまうな」とか。

親父は８８歳で亡くなりましたが、一生のうちで私との会話時間は
総じて１時間も無いと思います。これは本当です。

それ故に、親父がどの様な幼少期を過ごしてきたのか、
どの様に苦労して、どの様に乗り越えてきたのかも分からないまま
無意味な時が流れ、結局はお別れしてしまいました。

私が小学生の頃の話です

ある日、いつもの様に晩酌が進み、陽気になった親父が私に言いました。

「この新聞紙を丸めてお前の頭を叩かせたらお金をやる」と。

まさか、ジョークだろうと思った私は軽い気持ちで彼に頭を差し出しました。

すると、予想外の出来事が発生しました。

親父は固く丸めた新聞紙を振り上げ、私の頭を思いっきりパーンと叩いたのです。

まさか！本当に思いっきり叩かれるなんて！

私は驚きと恐怖心とでその場で泣き出してしまいました。

すると、「はははは！悪い、悪い！お金をやるから」と親父はあろうことか大爆笑です。

信じられない思いと悔しさで、子供ながらにもプライドを大きく傷つけられた私は
勿論、彼からお金を貰う事はありませんでした。

それと同時に、彼の様にお酒で醜態を晒す人間にはなりたくないと固く誓い、
この時、自制心という大きなくさびを自分の心に強く打ち込みました。

～私がこのブログを書く理由は～

私がこのブログを書く理由は、文字に残すことにより、二人の子供達に自分の父親がどの様な幼少期を
過ごし、どの様な会社に入り、どの様に苦労して、どの様に切り抜けて来たのかを
詳らかにするという目的があるのです。

幼少の頃、私が父親に抱いた負の感情を子供達に、同じ様には与えたくはありません。

今は、彼らは私のブログなど真面目に読んではいませんが、

やがて、私がこの世を去った時にでも読み返してもらえれば良いと考えています。

しかし、その結果、私の様に父親に対する反面教師の考えであっても、それはそれで本望なのです。

Memories of father

My dad passed away 6 years ago.

He was a really quiet person at home.
So the words he sometimes uttered are mostly word-centered, not grammatical.
For example, "You idiot," or "Don't bother the idiot.

My father passed away at the age of 88, and I don't think he spent a single conversation hour with me in his entire life.
I don't think he spent more than an hour with me in total. This is true.

Therefore, I don't know what my father's childhood was like, how he struggled, and how he got over it.
how he struggled and how he overcame his difficulties.
meaningless time passed, and eventually we parted ways.

This was when I was in elementary school.

One day, as usual, we were having drinks at night, and my father, in his jovial mood, said to me, "Roll up this newspaper and put your head in a ball.

If you roll up this newspaper and let me hit you on the head, I'll give you some money.

I thought he was joking, so I gave him my head with a light heart.

Then something unexpected happened.

My father raised a tightly rolled up newspaper and smacked me on the head as hard as he could.

No way! He really hit me as hard as he could!

I cried out in surprise and fear.

Then he said, "Ha-ha-ha! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'll give you some money.

I was so incredulous and frustrated that even as a child my pride was greatly hurt.
Of course, I never got any money from him.

At the same time, I made a firm vow not to become a person who would be as ugly with alcohol as he was.
At that time, I drove a huge wedge of self-control into my heart.

～The reason I write this blog…

The reason I am writing this blog is to share with my two children what their father's childhood was like, what kind of company he worked for, and what he did for a living.
I write this blog in order to leave behind in writing the details of how my father spent his childhood, what kind of company he joined, how he struggled, and how he got through it all.
I want to share with them the details of my father's life.

I don't want to give my children the same negative feelings I had for my father when I was a child.

Now, they don't take my blog seriously.

I hope that they will eventually read it again when I have passed away.

But even if the result is an anti-philosophical view of their father like mine, that's all I want.